Worry worry super scurry Call the troops out in a hurry

I am worrying about my health right now. I've been trying to do better of late - working on eating better (somewhat) getting in 5 days worth of aerobic exercise (disc golf, walks with boys) and taking appropriate medications (niacin for my lipids, daily multi-vitamin, fiber gummies)

Here's what I have to show for it:

At my last doctor's visit, I had dropped 5 pounds from the previous month. I also have a swollen ankle and a cracked heel (callus) I have to get an x-ray for the ankle - the doctor thinks it might be arthritis. This depresses me. So soon? But, maybe I just injured it and don't remember the trauma. I'm also getting a wart removed from my finger. It was extra painful this time because the wart has shrunk so small - therefore more tissue around it got blasted by the liquid nitrogen. Ouch.

Hurts to walk, hurts when anything bumps my finger (more often than one would think) and makes it harder to do the exercise I currently enjoy. I know that Diabetes is a looming threat, so I really need to lose more than 5 pounds, more like 100.

I worry about my mental/emotional health. My job + twin boys is really taking its toll on me. I'm on medication to lower my anxiety level and help me sleep at night. Even with all of that, I'm still fairly stressed a good portion of my day. Will I figure out how to deal with all of the stress so that it becomes manageable? Will the babies become less stressful as they get older? (So far, no.)

(sigh) I guess I worry about a lot of things.

Surely You Jest

5 words/phrases that make me laugh

Tartlets (from the TV show Friends)
Poat Rost (A spoonerism)
It's just what I almost wanted! (hat tip to Auntie B)
There's a phrase in Russian on my language sound files that I probably can't transliterate, but it made me giggle every time I had to say it. Phonetically it would be:
NEE-BET-NOT-SET (I think it means "not 15")
EDIT: My wife said this one yesterday and it's my new favorite:
wubbanub! It's a little plush toy with a pacifier attached. Apparently, it's handy to keep the binkie in the crib at night (we're always losing them, those suckers roll!)




Bonus, not a word or phrase: The memory of my wife imitating Yoshi in Super Mario Kart. It was spot on.

I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed

These days, I'm missing quite a few things, most of them directly related to the addition of two little ones into the family.

I miss hanging out with friends. One friend has gone to work in Germany for a few years. One friend has recently gotten back in touch after a year of non-communication. I used to spend one night a week with friends playing games and D&D.

I miss being able to go out on Saturdays just to go relax by the lake or to drive out to a more remote disc golf course.

I miss reading books. I do still have enough free time that I could do this. Instead, I've chosen to watch TV shows on my iPod : Dexter, Homeland, The Killing.

EDIT: I also miss playing Rock Band. We played at least once a week for years. I'm good at it, but not great, and there's something ... magical ... about faux-playing a beloved song. It's related to karaoke (and if you're singing, even more so)  I'm a terrible singer, but I love it! And miss it terribly.

I miss my youth. =(

Academic Epidemic

I could probably write a whole book on my academic life.

I was reading at an early age, probably because my mom always had a book in her hand. I know for sure I was reading by 3 years old. I think that most of my success at school comes from all the reading I did when I was younger.

I remember going to the library (Willow Branch) and checking out a stack of books, every time. In 1st and 2nd grade, I would always go to the library during um, holiday times as a religious non-participant. My mom got a box full of Hardy Boys books from her boss and I read through all 100 of them or so. And thus I continued my fascination with mysteries, starting first with Encyclopedia Brown. Also in 2nd grade, at the advice of my teacher, I took an IQ test. The only thing I remember about the test was an exercise where they presented you with 2 parallel lines and you were supposed to "complete the picture" So I drew a magician pulling a bunny out of the "hat" that I made out of the two lines.

(Realistic dramatization)



(I wish I could see that old test now, just for kicks.) The results of the IQ test put me at 145 (150 is considered genius) and I was integrated into the Gifted Program. I would generally go once a week to a different school with the other handful of kids and we would do stuff that exercised our brains, research projects, creative endeavors, brain teasers. I would look forward to it every week. In hindsight, though, I realize that it kind of set me apart from my classmates, not that I was much of a social person anyway, but I met some cool people, including a guy who would end up being my best friend in high school (and life)

In 3rd grade, I remember getting in trouble in class because the rest of the class was doing a busy-work assignment while I was reading a book. (Side note: in that same class, I remember the teacher tricking us into trying to split the word "rushed" into syllables.) My 4th grade teacher had a bookshelf of books that students could check out if they finished assignments early. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who took that option.

In 6th grade, I had the start of my busing school life. Yay, desegregation! This meant a 30-45 minute bus ride across town. I met another life long friend here and was my first introduction to academic competitions. We were on "Sixth Sense", a televised trivia game-show (on the local PBS station) Good times. Up through 6th grade, I was always the smartest person in the class (including at least one teacher) and I had straight A's in everything except handwriting. (I still can't draw a straight line.)

In 7th grade, I had applied to get into the new magnet school for college bound students, Stanton College Preparatory School. (It's been in the top 10 schools in the nation for 20 years) It pulled in students from all over the county, so it wasn't geographically based. (Even the busing to 6th grade was still geo-based) There, I was basically surrounded by smart people like me. Well, smart people, anyway. The classes were hard, too, much more than anything I'd had before and my grades slipped for a couple of years. I was still a good student, but I wasn't great. I even nearly failed a class in 9th grade because I hadn't turned in a bunch of lab assignments. After that, I was able to get my grades back up to around 3.5 by the end. I graduated 17th in my class, out of 108 students. My best friend from 6th grade was #1 and the one I met in gifted class was #3 (and the best friend I had a super-huge crush on was #5)

And then I went off to the university and everything crashed down around me. There are a lot of factors I could blame, but looking back, I just wasn't ready for the experience. I needed to mature a little, sort out my priorities and find a system of learning that worked for me. I did 2 years at the University of Florida, scattered classes over the years at FCCJ, UVSC, finally ending up at Stevens Henager to get my Associate's Degree in Computer Science and then onto University of Phoenix Online to complete my Bachelor's in Business and Information Systems. I did ok grade-wise in my last two place, but I learned so much from UoP (and so little at SH)

Future Imperfect

I have a real problem (uh-oh, here we go again) with imagining the future. It's not that I can't imagine what it might be like (hovercars, exoskeletons, wireless electricity) is that I just don't think about my own personal future.

I've been at my current job for 6 years. Each year, I can't imagine myself being here for another year. It's too depressing - oh, I'm going to be here, doing the same thing I am now, different frustrations, different people to deal with, same stress level. I can basically look forward to seasonal changes - can't wait for summer, can't wait for winter to be over.

This has been a very long standing deal for me. I always assumed I would go to college, for example, but I never thought about it, what I should study, what I would end up doing with the knowledge I gained. I just sort of fell into it. I can think of at least one other situation that I didn't really plan for and just fell into it.

The only thing to fear is fear itself. And rabbits with really sharp, pointy teeth.

I think I discovered with my Problems post that I'm kind of neurotic. Not quite Monk-level, but still...

I have a few things I'm afraid of, and it's definitely gotten worse as I've gotten older. I wasn't afraid of heights when I was a kid (used to climb tall trees), but now I am. I'm ok if I'm in a safe environment, like a building or airplane, but if there's an element of danger of falling, then it kicks in - like a roller coaster, or climbing the steps of a lighthouse. I used to enjoy thunderstorms in Florida (we had enough of them), but now I'm really scared of lightning. If I have to drive in it (which I will avoid if I can), I grip the wheel hard enough to get white knuckles. Ironically, I'm probably safer in a car with insulated rubber tires.

I know this is common, but I really dread public speaking. I know I can do it, but there's something about it ...

Oh, and of course, I'm anxious around children. Fearful isn't quite the right feeling, but they are panic-inducing nonetheless. (That is such a weird word.)

I don't know if I'm afraid of dying, exactly, as much as nearly dying, but living. Losing a limb or sight or hearing (worse than sight, in some respects) terrifies me. My absolute worst fear right at the moment is that something will happen to my wife and I'll be left alone to care for my children by myself. Even typing that makes me a little squeamish.

There's an old joke that the only thing people fear more than dying is public speaking. So, if you're at a funeral, you'd rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy.

Curiosity is the lust of the mind

5 Things I lust after, a little explanation:

1. Kindle Fire - It's a $199 fully functioning tablet with the Amazon whispernet and Kindle technology. What's not to lust?
2. Jaguar Convertible. I know it's highly impractical to have a convertible in Utah, but this would be such a sweet ride. I rented a Jaguar for a couple of days and just loved driving it. I'm pretty sure I would enjoy driving this one. Sign me up.
3. A 3 TB hard drive. I wonder if all of my music would fit on it?
4. A katana. It's an old dream, but I've always wanted one, and the knowledge of how to use it properly.
5. Death by Chocolate! It's a dessert from Bennigan's - it's got an Oreo crust, rocky road ice cream and hard chocolate shell on top. I defy you to find a better dessert.

Math Problems

Hmm, I have a host of problems but here's one that doesn't have a name that I'm aware of.

I don't mean to be unmindful of people who have actual dyslexia, but my pet name for my problem is
"digital dyslexia." When I write something down so that I can refer to it later, I almost always set my pen down in such a way that it obscures what I've just written down. It's maddening!

Not meaty enough? Ok, how about this? I have a real problem with taking the last item of something, particularly food items. If there's a pan of brownies, I can't eat the last one. Someone has to go out of their way to get me to take it. It's this bad: I was at Cafe Rio once when I heard that a woman behind me in line wanted the chips and queso and was told they might be out of it. When they asked me, I said I wanted it, but only if there was enough for two servings. (I am not making this up.)

If I eat a multi-course (as it were) dinner, I eat all of one thing before going to the next. I don't eat a spoon of mashed potatoes, then a bite of chicken, then a forkful of veggies.

If I have a handful of candies that are colored, I separate them into colors and eat all of one color. (Also, I always eat lemon either first or last, because it's my favorite, in general.)

When eating chips or Cheetos, I put them on a paper plate instead of eating them out of the bag. I call it portion control; everyone else calls it weird.

I like to smush my hamburgers and sandwiches down to make them flatter. I've done this since I was a kid. Also, sometimes I like to take them apart and eat the parts, like with Krystal hamburgers and some breakfast sandwiches. I'm not sure why I do this.

I'm black and I'm proud (the Commitments)

There are a couple of things I'm proud of, but I can't think of anything to write about them.

I'm a member of Mensa, but it seems that few people have heard of it. I guess it impresses the people who have.

I've advanced to a point in my career that surprises me. I have some ambitions and would like to attain a higher position, but I'm really quite satisfied with the salary I'm making. (Wish my job were less stressful, though.)

Hmmm. I guess that I'm proud that I have supported my wife's wishes to have children even though I was dead set against it. It has been even harder for me than I anticipated (and I was really dreading it already.) Signs indicate that we'll both survive it, but I feel ... broken by it. Like what you do to a horse to tame him. Day after day of stressful situations with no escape route. I heard that bad luck either breaks you, or shows the world your true self. I've done a lot more than I thought I could do, but I don't feel that I've lived up to what I could or should be. My wife has risen above it and calms the storms, while I just try to keep my head above water in the floods below.

What if there were no rhetorical questions?

There was a party game we used to play with the Ivies called "What If" Each person would write down a What If question, like "What if there were no speed limits?", then pass the card to the next person, and the next person would come up with a response to the question, like "I-15 would be one big wreck." But here's the twist: you'd read the What If question on your card (which was your neighbor's creation) and the next person over would read the answer on THAT card. Then you'd get completely non-sensical responses (and some that actually fit together)

It's generally both fun and sad to do What If thinking. What If I'd stuck it out and graduated from UF and had a degree at 21? What If I'd decided not to move to Utah? What if I'd never gotten married? Why didn't I take the blue pill?

Usually, I trace things back to some pivotal decision that in hindsight could have made a better situation for me. I can't seem to detach myself completely from reality and so then I think (here's the sad) what would later in life things would I miss out on? If I hadn't moved to Utah, for instance, I wouldn't have met all the people out here (including my wife) That would be a big fat bummer.

A common one I think about is whether I could have been more athletic (less nerdy, but that's probably too much to hope for) in high school. Also in the running, what if I knew then what I know now? Well, I wouldn't have come near that first girlfriend (or that other one) or maybe I just would have handled them differently. (And therein lies the heart of the what if)

I suspect that as we get older, we have more of these wistful moments, wondering what could have been, what might have happened, what was on the road not traveled. Eventually, you have to snap back to reality and deal with the choices you did make and how you got here. On the horizon, the next big choice - what if I had some sort of clairvoyance and could accurately see the results of making a big choice, from 10 years after making it?

Zodiac Killer

I am a Scorpio, having been born (of goodly parents) in the first half of November. I should have been born a month later - I wonder how that affects things.

According to Astrology Online (hat tip to the Lady B.)

Good traits:

Determined and forceful  (nope)
Emotional and intuitive    (yes)
Powerful and passionate  (not really)
Exciting and magnetic    (i don't think so)

Bad traits:

Jealous and resentful  (resentful, yes)
compulsive and obsessive (yes and yes)
secretive and obstinate  (can I admit to being secretive and still be it?)

Interesting:

either very much liked, or very much disliked  (Jon, lots of people in the company love you. And lots of them hate you.)


Thoughts:

I have a hard time buying into any sort of system that plops you into a group based on something that doesn't really have anything to do with how you are. (I lump bio-rhythms in with astrology.) You would be able to make a stronger case that people who were born in the same month AND year as me have similar characteristics. There could be a reason certain spirits come to Earth at a particular time or maybe it's random.

I find astrology to be one of those hobbies that is mostly harmless in moderation. It's fun to see how you compare to the norm for your sign and how you differ. In the end, though, it's really no better than those old quizzes : which celebrity is the best match for you?

Now, certain personality types, like the Myers-Briggs 4-letter code or the color coding is at least somewhat more scientific. Judging from your response to questions can make some determinations about what choices you are likely to make and perhaps what influences your choices. See, now it's personal and takes data from your life. I took the test 15 years ago and came out as the most common archetype: ENFP. I took a lesser version last week and ended up as ISTP, almost the exact opposite. I've never thought I really fit the Extrovert type, except that I do seem to get energy from being around other people, I just don't seek them out.

EDIT: How could I have forgotten this? "Tomorrow the stars predict that you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep." -- Weird Al

Also, his take on Scorpio:

Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

You're never fully dressed without a smile

What I wore today

It's pretty much what I wear just about every day. Denim Shorts (today, stonewashed), pocket t-shirt (extra tall, medium blue heathered) and Keens.

Keens are the most comfortable shoe ever! And they're nice for splish-splashing through the man-made stream at the disc golf course. Only problem: my feet stink in them! You can wash the shoes (clunka clunka) but they're only fresh for a day. I wash my feet when I get home and spray my feet and the shoes with Odor-Eater. (Only, my wife can't stand the smell of that, but it's better than the shoes without it, IMO.)

I prefer comfort over style (well, duh, is what those of you who know me are saying) Maybe if I were more svelte, I'd prefer different clothing. Probably not - I wore shorts so much in high school, one of my teachers called me Legs. I wonder if that would be considered sexual harassment in today's culture?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest

I am so not looking forward to this blog topic. My opinion about my body and how comfortable I am with it. Yuck.

I am fat. I suppose this is an opinion. The "fact" is that I am morbidly obese. I am not comfortable with this. (Ok, I'm done, can I go now?)

It's pretty easy to see how it happened. I did a lot of walking and bicycling when I was in my early to mid-twenties, so it balanced out against the horrible diet I was on, where I pretty much subsisted on burgers and fries and pizza. (I don't think I was alone in this.) At some point after I was married, I started driving to work (because it wasn't in walking distance.) This was probably my first downfall - losing the regular exercise. My job didn't help, sitting in front of a computer all day. I didn't recognize the change at the time, but I'm sure that's where I started putting on weight.

It's the gradual change that you don't want to admit is happening. Your pants are too snug so you end up wearing elastic shorts to minimize noticing it. You need longer shirts to be able to tuck them in. So, yeah, not happy about where I am. At my heaviest, probably a year ago, I was up to 315. In the past year, I've taken up regular exercise again, not working out, but playing disc golf 5 days a week for about 30 minutes each day. I've also tried to be good about making healthy choices for what I eat. I'm not religious about it, just mindful.

I'm trying out a health supplement for the next 3 months that's supposed to bring my lipid numbers into shape. It's a super-dose of Niacin at its core and is supposed to bring down my triglycerides and raise my good cholesterol. Surprisingly, I've always had good numbers for the bad cholesterol, even though my diet wouldn't suggest it. I eat an egg almost every day, burgers, bacon. It must be a genetic factor keeping it down. Bringing the other numbers back to a more normal state should help me lose weight more efficiently and may make me feel better in general.

When I dream of myself in the future, I am not fat, but rather quite fit. I see myself as a runner, which is a little bit odd. When I was a teenager, I would run for fun just to let off some steam, but I haven't done any sort of running since becoming an adult. Why can't I dream myself as a swimmer?

I'll have to wait and see. Until then, gotta go, gotta throw!

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

My wife suggested I edit the subject of this blog from five guys I find attractive (!) to five male actors I would want to have lunch with.


1. Will Smith. Think Independence Day or Men in Black. This guy would be fun to talk to. Even the guy from Hancock or Pursuit of Happyness or Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He comes across as both a superstar and down to earth - I'm not sure how he does it. I happen to also be a fan of his rap music, so I'm sure we'd have plenty to talk about.

2. Tom Hanks. Of course he has some awesome movies under his belt, Big, Saving Private Ryan, That Thing You Do, Castaway, DaVinci Code, and then you have others like Turner and Hooch, Dragnet, Bachelor Party. I haven't seen Road to Perdition yet, but I want to. I've always had a lot of respect for him - he's one of the few actors to have a long-lasting marriage (and I am beginning to be a fan of his son, Colin) Except for one public statement where he said that people who were in support of the California ban on same sex marriages where "un American" (he later retracted this), he's a pretty likeable guy.

3. Matthew Perry. I don't know a lot about him outside of TV and movies, but he tends to play similar characters, typically with a self-deprecating, sarcastic attitude. Friends, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Mr. Sunshine, Whole 9 Yards. I could probably just talk Chandler Bing with him.

4. Harry Connick, Jr. Ok, admittedly, I would want to talk music more than movies, but technically, he fits. Little Man Tate, Will & Grace, Law and Order : SVU of late. He's had such a progression of music styles (big band, funk jazz, Broadway, vocalist) I find that I like the old stuff better, but maybe that's because I'm getting older.

5. Simon Baker. I'd want to talk Mentalist and the Guardian, and I would enjoy the Aussie accent, but what I'd really like to find out is how he does his hair! It's so ... cool looking. I need to talk to Amelia and see if she can do that kind of sorcery with my hair. (Ha!)

Familes are Forever Complicated

I haven't ever tried to create a graphical representation of my family tree, but I'm sure it would look more like a jungle than anything else. My dad has 2 full sisters, 2 older brothers from a different mother and three younger brothers from a different father. There are 7 marriages between my mom and my dad (one of those was to each other.)

I grew up with a batch of cousins who were my grandfather's 2nd wife's grandchildren. I'm sure Ancestry.com has a proper name for this, but for me, they were "cousins." The three younger brothers of my dad, one of whom was only a couple years older than me, felt more like cousins than uncles. Then, when I got married, I in-lawed a whole cast of characters. Oh, and I have a couple of best friends who married each other, and they are practically family to me.

I guess in the end, I have a fairly loose definition of family because of all of this. If we're meant to be together in the eternities, each of us an intersection of cross threads in a majestic fabric, I don't see why we can't adopt people as family even when there's no legal precedent for it. So there. =P

Shuffleupagus

I'm a little bit concerned about today's exercise. I have to list the next 10 songs on my music player as part of a random shuffle. I am going to be true to what comes up, but I'm prepared to be embarrassed if there's a country song, or worse, Britney Spears tune.

As a bit more prelude, this playlist is my All Time Favorites list with 2,375 songs on it. My guess is that 75% of those songs come from the 80s. Let's see how many of the next 10 are. =) (Note: none of the songs on Breanna's list are even on my player.)

1. Hall & Oates - Some things are better left unsaid (80s song) (I'd say something here, but...)
2. Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive (Kings of the falsetto)
3. No Doubt - The Imperial March (this is a live bootleg track of the tune from Star Wars that you associate with Darth Vader)
4. 10,000 Maniacs - My Sister Rose (Put on a mixtape once by a friend) (80s song)
5. Tears for Fears - Sowing the Seeds of Love (80s song) ( I actually didn't like this song when it first came out, but it grew on me over time.)
6. Black Sabbath - Paranoid (I didn't know them at all until fairly recently. This song was on one of the Rock Bands)
7. Talking Heads - Once in a Lifetime (80s song) (This song is memorable for me as being one played at Dive! restaurant in Las Vegas. "water flowing underground...")
8. The Bird and the Bee - I'm a broken heart (Love Inara George's voice)
9. Survivor - Eye of the Tiger (80s song) (Also associated with Rocky. This song is on Rock Band as well.)
10. Beach Boys - Good Vibrations. (A true classic, and I think this is on the latest Rock Band too, but it was on my playlist before that.)

5 out 10 are 80s songs, how about that? Nothing too embarrassing in the list, except maybe for the Black Sabbath song.

Out of curiosity, let's see how long it takes to hit something truly bad...

35. Debbie Gibson - Electric Youth (80s) (not so bad, is it?)
88. Britney Spears - Can't get no satisfaction (There she is!)
98. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (okay, this is pretty bad, I admit it. I picked it up on Stephen King's advice in an article.)

We don't need no education

Pink Floyd's The Wall not withstanding, education is something we do need, some more than others. I've been doing Family Search indexing of the 1940 US Census lately and it's interesting to note the level of education for people in Georgia, Alabama, Texas. The trend I saw (not remotely scientific) was that the parents would have much less schooling than their children. It's rare to come across an adult with schooling past high school (H-4, I think.) I don't know if those parents really needed more education - they probably had industrial or manual labor jobs or house work and they had what they needed.

In my own family, I'm the first one to get a 4-year degree in at least 3 generations. My sister has a 2-year degree and none of my first-cousins has even that. My mom and her sister went to vocational school and that's it. I was pretty much guaranteed to go to college from at least 7th grade when I took an early PSAT sponsored by Duke University and did better than the average high school graduate. (I'm really good at taking standardized tests.)

College did not work out for me. I attended the University of Florida after high school and had enough credits from AP tests to technically count as a Sophomore my first year. (Some would say I'm still sophomoric.) I blame it mostly on my lack of self-discipline to get myself to class and actually study. I wish I could go back and change that. As it was, I dropped out after 2 years and wouldn't complete my Bachelor's degree for another 15 years. Kids, don't try this at home. As it is, my chosen career path prefers experience over degrees, but I did get one job because I had a 2-year degree, so presumably it will be more important at some point.

What is the point of getting an education? This is something I've pondered quite a bit over the years. There are many rewards that are not obvious. The actual knowledge you get from taking classes is probably the least useful thing you get out of it. Consider these other benefits:

1. You learn how to make your own decisions, and how those choices affect certain outcomes, like wanting to sleep in, so you figure out how to get all afternoon classes.
2. You know how to navigate a bureaucracy. Whether it's financial aid or registration, you're going to have to fill out forms and wait in lines and get very frustrated at some point. If you're lucky, you won't have a moment where you understand why people crash their cars into buildings because you are just that mad.
3. You learn how to work with diverse people, through group projects, study groups, class trips. This is probably one of the best things I got out of my University of Phoenix online classes. We had to coordinate across time zones, work asynchronously between work schedules and get things done. It is perfect training for leading a team.
4. You discover that rules are flexible and can be bent, broken, and stuffed into a drawer, but you also have to live with the consequences. Miss your oral French exam, your grade is la latrine.
1. You learn the fine art of weaseling out of things.I had a friend who could have majored in this. She could get any teacher to give her an extension.
5. You have a shared community experience of all of the hardships, hassles, happy hours; trials and triumphs with everyone else who has gone to college. You made it, got a diploma, now the only thing left is to brag about how your school was so much better than everyone else's. 

I have been contemplating going back to school to get a Master's Degree. I would probably go for an MBA, with an emphasis on Management, to see if I could get an edge on better job opportunities. I haven't fully decided and I sure don't have the time right now. (Maybe if I wrote less long-winded blog posts...)

You are what you eat

For breakfast, I had an Egg McMuffin, but only half of the bread, and a sausage biscuit with strawberry jelly, but I eat the sausage first. Yes, I know, I've been taking apart fast food sandwiches since I was little. Also, I like to smush burgers to make them flatter.

For a mid-morning snack, I had a couple of Biscoff cookies, like you get on Delta.

I went to Taco Amigo for lunch - 2 hamburgers and an order of nachos. Can't wait for the fresh strawberry shakes to come back.

My wife and I had Wendy's for dinner. I had a JBC, an order of the new mac n cheese (truly addictive) and a glass of Purple Stuff (grape flavor)

Peeves and Buttheads

5 Pet Peeves

Zero Tolerance Laws/Rules:
A 6-year old was suspended from school for "sexual harassment" for quoting a song "I'm sexy and I know it" by LMFAO. Now, if he had said what LMFAO stands for, I could see a charge of profanity, but sexual harassment? You have to think: who reported this boy?

Fast Food Restaurants that can't get your order right :
Wendy's, I'm looking at you! In n Out has never messed up my order, not even once. I heard that there's a place in India that delivers and has 1 mistake per six million orders.

I should of :
Yes, I get that it's phonetic, but please! You should HAVE rechecked your work!


People who park across the lines:
Did you have trouble with coloring books when you were younger? I see you're trying to preserve that nice paint job but when you do this, it makes me want to go out of my way to damage your car. Park like a normal person and get some insurance like the rest of us.

Not responding to emails or failing to answer questions I've asked:
This is fairly self-explanatory, but it represents an imbalance in the Force - namely, that YOU don't care enough about what I have said to give it proper attention. Are you some sort of narcissist? 

Islands in the Stream

Let me just go ahead and get this out of the way: Mainstream Music sucks!

Ok, now I'll back up and say that there are a few gems out there, but they are few and far between. I read an article recently that suggested that as you get older, you can appreciate new music less and less. There's a reason the Oldies station is so beloved by the Oldies, I mean older people. There's a seminal period of music, usually from your teenage years or college where you just relate the music to your identity. For me, that's 80's music. If you looked at my iPod All-Time Favorites playlist, at least 75% of the songs are 80's songs. (Many of these are probably considered Classic Rock now, which just saddens me.)

Fast forward to today's music. If you look at a Billboard Top 100 list, it is dominated by R&B, hip hop, rap. I don't have anything against the genres in themselves, but rather with the modern day take on it. So much of it is self-praising crap with no-talent "singers" and lousy sounding music. (Now let me tell you how I really feel!)
There are some standouts: Rihanna has a great voice and has some groovy music and good dance beats. Lady Gaga, for all the image tripe, is also a really good singer, very talented, with some horribly catchy songs. (Bad Romance, You and I?) She's the modern-day Madonna. (Sorry.) Jay-Z has some pretty good stuff, too. I like the rap when it's funny or has interesting rhymes. "Somethings" in Paris is just loaded with profanity (the edited version is almost incomprehensible) but has fun turns of phrase. It's going gorillas! (You had to be there.) I even like a Katy Perry song or two. (Yes, fine, I admit it. Last Friday Night is fun.) Rarely, I'll even find a nice country (probably Bluegrass) song in the top 100.

I find a lot of pleasure in indie music. I'm no hipster (obviously) but I feel that I can appreciate new music in small doses. These days, I'm listening to a sampler from the SXSW music festival and keeping the ones I like. Some of these end up being new favorites, some are just passing through. For new music, I've noticed that I have a soft spot for female vocalists with sweet voices and songs that use music from old video games. (This year, there's a song that uses the music from Final Fantasy VII and is ABOUT one of the characters. It's so awesome. Avalanche.)

None of my exes live in Texas

Things I would say to my exes

Well, there aren't that many of you out there, which I suppose is good.

To my first, I'm sorry I ended things in such a haphazard way. I really didn't know any better. You treated me pretty bad for the next 2 years though and that convinced me that it was the right move to make.

To my first college girlfriend, ok, you were just crazy. I believe history proves me right, as you left the LDS church and became a Wiccan. However, I will never forget the lasagna you cooked for me where you put in garlic salt instead of garlic powder so that it ended up with twice as much salt.

To Ericka: I dated you one summer, found you to be a spoiled little rich girl with narcissistic tendencies. You did not seem to care for me all that much, so I was happy to go back to school after that summer. The next summer, you seemed to have a change of heart, so we got back together. Then I found out it was all an act, and you were just playing with me. You get bonus points for messing up a date I went on a year later. You told her I only dated you to sleep with you. (Which I did not, and we had even had a discussion about how it was not going to happen.) Badly done, Ericka. Badly done.

To my last college girlfriend, I am so sorry. You were so nice to me and a real sweetheart and a great cook, and I just threw that all away. At the time, it seemed like a good decision. You were not interested in even investigating the church and that was very important to me. And so I left town, to head to Utah, and you married my high school friend. (I'm sorry about that, too, it can't have been easy.)

Bullet the blue sky

• Woke up way early stressing about work
• Fell back asleep
• Overslept
• Shower contention
• can't-shower, baby is asleep next to dresser
• answer work emails, get more stressed about work
• baby sleeps record time, then I get shower, go to work
• Promise Payroll I will dedicate day to working on their task
• Proceed to work on Payroll for about an hour during my workday
• Work, work, work
• Take off to go to a book signing at the Provo Marriott
• Arrive 20 minutes ahead of wife
• spend extra time playing Tiny Tower on my phone
• Wife arrives with Nathan and Daniel and we go into see Stephanie Black, author extraordinaire
• She promised to a sign a book in a creepy way, but failed to deliver
• Come home, play with babies for a couple of hours
• Babies go to bed and we get Cafe Rio for dinner 
• Watch the TV show "Awake"
• Play on computer for a bit before going to bed

The Gun Seller

The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie is a really fun and humorous take on espionage fiction.

The Gun Seller on Amazon

Yes, Hugh Laurie is more well known these days for House, MD, and more in the early days for his sketch comedy and Jeeves and Wooster. He must have really wanted to write a book and inject his own dry wit into it, because the result is something incredible.

I'll admit: the plot is a little hard to follow at first. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not British and it's peppered with all sorts of British vocabulary usage and it may be intentionally convoluted. I wouldn't call it a spoof, really. It is a serious plot, but it definitely pokes fun at spy-novel tropes and even general-fiction rules. In the end, it's a book I recommend to just about everyone, with a mild warning about language.

Courtesy

I feel pretty strongly about this. People should show courtesy to each other.

Consider the many ways people do not show courtesy and the feelings they cause:

• Cut someone off in traffic
• Take the last doughnut
• Skip ahead in the drive-thru line
• Leave the toilet seat up
• Spit gum on the sidewalk
• Keep library books until they are way overdue
• Leave shopping carts in the middle of the lot
• Park across multiple spots

Yes, it makes people angry and frustrated when this happens to them. How does it make them feel when they do it, though? Like maybe they got away with something? Like, Haha, Sucker, eat my dust? I want those people to PAY! When I see someone zoom past me because they're too important to slow down for a blinking school zone, I want to reach out telepathically and put an invisible wall in front of their car. BAM!

*ahem*  Yes, we should be civilized to each other. Why? Because it makes you feel good. It even makes the other person feel good. Here are some examples where you can show consideration:

• Hold open a door for someone
• Put a dollar in the tip jar
• Stop and wave to allow someone to cross a busy street (make sure other people stop before you wave)
• Comment on the blogs you read
• Try to remember little things that people prefer so that you can surprise them later

I'm not alone in this. Here, allow me to quote the Master, when asked what was necessary to inherit eternal life:

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

 (Luke 10:27)

Love God, love your neighbor. How can you love your neighbor? Be Courteous!

30 Day Challenge Begins Today

Well, I managed to miss an entire month of blogging because it just didn't seem interesting to keep blogging about it. I continue to play, most every day, but there just hasn't been much exciting going on in the "Jon disc golfs" world. Today, something happened, though. I lost YET ANOTHER disc on the hole I said I wouldn't play anymore. With good reason. Sigh.

To kick off blogging again, I'm going to do the above 30 day challenge with my nice niece Breanna.

Five Ways to Win My Heart

1. Be Nice to Me
2. Be open minded about the music I love. You don't have to even like it, as long as you can appreciate why I love it.
3. A big hug would be nice (from our talking Eeyore)
4. Don't roll your eyes at my jokes all the time. (Some of the time, sure, I deserve it.)
5. Accept me for who I am. This changes frequently. Sometimes I'm a dreamer, a nerd, or a romantic. Be prepared to be flexible.